Dumb and Dumber

Posted on by Ark

The ministry of the character Jesus of Nazareth lasted either one year or three.

Let’s split the difference, shall we? We’ll say two years.

In the beginning, the twelve disciples dropped everything on a whim and tagged along for the ride, eventually to be sent on The Grand Commission. Ostensibly they were to be deliverers of the Good News. Odd that Jesus couldn’t have extended his ministry to say ten years and traveled to other countries, but there you go. He didn’t.

During Jesus’ ministry, the twelve witnessed miracle after miracle, including calming raging storms, walking on water, feeding of the five thousand, the four thousand, healing the blind, the deaf and the lame. The exorcisms of demons, not least of these being Legion and probably the most impressive, several resurrections, including the really famous one of Lazarus. In fact Jesus exploits were so grand, and so numerous they could have filled all the books in the world, according to the writer of gJohn.

So Jesus was no shrinking violet. The disciples were witnesses to some of the most amazing feats imaginable.

Furthermore, they were confidants to the Word of God, and were informed repeatedly that the destiny of the Son of Man was to die and to resurrect after three days.

So the disciples were well primed. Two years of living with Jesus cheek to jowl. Not only with evidence of his miraculous healing abilities but also that Jesus was the Messiah which they acknowledged.

And yet, after Jesus was put to death did they hang around to see Jesus come back to life as he had promised? After all, they had acknowledged he was the Messiah.

No, they ran away. And when the women told them the Lord had risen did they believe? No, they didn’t.

Does this sound even remotely plausible? Are we dealing with a group of men who were as thick as a brick of lard? As dumb as a sack of hammers, or is this merely a plot device in a work of fiction?

 

Ark

44 thoughts on “Dumb and Dumber”

      1. Hah! You goof, atheist swine!

        (‘Cos obviously —> it did!) Boom boom!

        Score One for the Infinite, the greatest of Days, the Almighty most merciful compassionate etc etc etc and lay it on thick …

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    2. Jesus wouldn’t know what to do with a girl … probably follow the ol’ sheep-trail of flowers and choccies. (So few of us romantics left in this dark age.)

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  2. Nice writing; gotta give two points for creativity. But have to ask.

    What part of the documented genealogies as given in Luke/Matthew- leading to Abraham, then Adam, do you take issue with?

    Solomon? David? Issac? Careful how you answer, for most ‘scholars’ run from those pages as quickly as yesterday’s horse races.

    What is it, and answer truthfully, in those accounts, that would make u think they are in-credible?

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    1. They are a fiction – part of the overall plot device.
      Try to consider what it would take to memorize these lists.

      Furthermore, there is no record in the Torah and there are two genealogies, which suggests an oversight on the part of the writers, or , as I have said before, the gospels were meant for specific audiences and originally, were never intended as a collection.

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    2. I know you’re specifically asking Ark, but I’m responding as I take issue to the genealogies. Both Luke and Matthew describe genealogies from David to Jesus, but the thing is, both give radically different numbers and most of the names on the two lists don’t match up at all! What do you make of that?

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      1. I know this is well above the oat grade of folks in this zip code- but the DIFFERING genealogies speak to the impossible fabrication by men.

        The legal right to the throne of David of course, and the divinity of Christ through the other.

        Matthew and Luke speak to two purposes. But I like the ‘as was supposed’ the son of Joseph……….

        A wealth of truth and information, if the reader would pay attention, and not run with dirty hands to the internet for their next cue.

        Scripture always proves itself, and will be equally be providing light as long as there is darkness.

        Son of man. Son of God. Son of David. David’s Lord. Now go spend 35 years appreciating these obvious marvels- you may wake up.

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        1. Oh wow! I do love this phrase — the impossible fabrication by men! It has such a ring to it. And it’s such a perfect description of what believers do to support their beliefs.

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          1. Hi nan? Do you question your genealogy to a few hundred years? Rest assured, those tasked with joys and tittles took their work much more seriously that any modern stenographer.

            Perhaps a little research on your part in learning the backdrop of they who were not to ‘interpret’ the text, but to pass along.

            Interpretations are left to atheists and careless others, and yes, I include many a lazy believer.

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        2. Hahaha wow that’s brilliant! (sarcasm). Not to be rude but I don’t understand half of what you’re saying. If the genealogies were not fabricated, wouldn’t you expect the two lists to match up? If you had two family trees and one said Tim was your dad, and the other said Eli was your dad, then at least one of them must be wrong. Unless I am somehow missing something here?

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          3. U have already wasted your time trying to find fault, but since u asked, go into any court house and tell the prothonotary u have issues with their ‘vital statistics.’

            The genealogies in Matthew and Luke have withstood all the lying attempts for thousands of years to dismiss them.

            Your voice is but one more bitching session.

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  4. I coulda used JC’s exorcism talents when I was married, cause I swear to Zeus, my ex was possessed by an outright demon. Wait!!! Maybe it wasn’t she who was possessed! Maybe I was! Sweet Odin! Now I’m SOOOO confused!!! Damn, these invisible creatures, beings, and demons make life SOOO confusing, don’t they?! (maybe, just maybe, it’s ALL made up! naw, that couldn’t be, could it?)

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  5. (finds and puts on his Double-agent Devil’s Advocate hat on and with his magician’s wand taps on the podium for Ark’s attention…) Bear with me Ark and play along. 😉

    Um, excuse me Sir, but your Jesus-summary has several errors and numerous ambiguities. Why on Earth would you do that when EVERYTHING in the New Testament, particularly the Gospels, are clearly black-n-white and without a drop of perplexing storytelling and divine precision narration. SHAME ON YOU! 🤭 Now, let me list your folly and/or fuzziness:

    Odd that Jesus couldn’t have extended his ministry to say ten years and traveled to other countries, but there you go. He didn’t.

    This is not exactly correct or is at the very least yet undetermined. Since the Synoptic Gospels are NOT widely regarded as historically reliable by a majority of scholars (let alone the world’s general population), there is no conclusive proof what the young Jesus was doing between the age of 12 and 29, IF we are to assume (via one source) those ages/time-tables are even accurate! Plausible theories exist as to where Jesus was or traveled during those 17-years. Why would Magi from the (Far?) East come to his birth? Much of what Jesus taught (according to the Gospels) align very close with Mahāyāna and Theravāda Buddhism taught about 500-600 years EARLIER than Jesus.

    ‘All of Jesus’ remarkable, astonishing exploits and acts in public as recorded in the Gospels are JUST AS BAFFLING NOT recorded anywhere else! More mind-blowing is the fact that the Romans were OCD-sticklers for record-keeping! Today, we possess loads and loads, libraries and bigger libraries of their record-keeping — even of legal and criminal matters — and yet, guess what? Only three authors/historians (out of at least 41 we currently know about!) write anything about a Jesus! And what those three write is less-than reliable if not forgeries, or quite mundane and say nothing about these un-Earthly talents and magical powers that surely would’ve spread like wildfire everywhere! That is simply NOT the case.

    Not only with evidence of his miraculous healing abilities but also that Jesus was the Messiah which they acknowledged.

    Whether Jesus actually was a Messiah is highly debated and controversial when you discuss this with THE ORIGINAL EXPERTS of Messianism: the today’s scholarly Jews on Second Temple Judaism/Messianism. Most all of them agree that for the last 2,300 years their Messianism has been grossly distorted, misunderstood, and (intentionally?) hijacked and maligned by the descendants of Greco-Roman theology or apotheosis. And believe me, they have a highly compelling case thanks to the Dead Sea Scrolls of Qumran and of course their ancient rabbinical records!

    Furthermore, the Gospels are unclear that all 12 disciples considered Jesus an unequivocal Messiah. It was possible, but some of them if not most of them were thinking of Messiah in the proper Second Temple Jewish sense, an Earthly King and kingdom restored, not the warped, wrong version preached by some strange epileptic foreigner from Tarsus.

    And yet, after Jesus was put to death did they hang around to see Jesus come back to life as he had promised? No, they ran away. And when the women told them the Lord had risen did they believe? No, they didn’t.

    Now you are spot on with this Ark! 😉

    Does this sound even remotely plausible? Are we dealing with a group of men who were as thick as a brick of lard? As dumb as a sack of hammers, or is this merely a plot device in a work of fiction?

    Thick as bricks, dumb as hammers? Perhaps, but it may not be an important question… in the big picture. It is the gospel copyists, editors, and the Hellenistic, Patristic, Apostolic Church Fathers of several centuries later that are the REAL culprits of suspicion and unethical, unrighteous political methods of means justifying the ends that should be interrogated and crucified. Another excellent question would be…

    What should be done with anyone, the descendants, the naive who perpetuates all this folly, ambiguity, lies, and abuses in the name of some divine authority? 😈 😉

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    1. This is not exactly correct or is at the very least yet undetermined.

      Actually it is perfectly correct as he didn’t start his ministry until after his dunking by John the Baptist . How old was he at this stage?

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      1. Ah, good. You’re playing along. 😉

        What requires clarity here is that you are purely utilizing ONE source of information (or propaganda?) for your narration: the Greco-Roman canonical Gospels. I am being a bit more inclusive.

        There are non-canonical gospels in existence — granted, recorded several decades later after Jesus’ execution — they clearly tell of the young boy of the Nasoraenes/Nasori doing equally remarkable acts before the River Jordan encounter with the Baptist. Now of course, mainstream Christianity refuses to accept any non-canonical sources that do not align with the Hellenic traditions that Rome founded. 🙂

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          1. Well DAYUM! There is no way I can argue that one. TRUE DAT. You win. 😦 😛

            As long as those radical Fundy-Evangy “Faithers” keep ignoring/denying all of known history of Jerusalem, Judaism, the Temple, the Diaspora and Sectarianism (that included Yeshua’s group), Rome’s power, military, and political clout, and all extant, non-canonical texts of the time-periods as well as all the INDEPENDENT relevant texts (AND what so many DON’T say!)… then nothing will change. Which ironically is exactly what has happened for the last 2,000 years. Christians would much rather keep believing/faithing in the Wizard of Ozzie-Christ and yellow brick roads leading to the Vatican.

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    2. Hello Professor. We know that in the bible the devil tempted Jesus as an adult. My thinking is if the Devil knew Jesus was god in flesh and he could fuck with him, why wait until he was in his 30’s? Think of being a boy in his developing puberty. Did the devil tempt Jesus when he was a teen with normal stuff the Catholics / fundies /evangelicals all say will send teens to hell if they dare do it? Is that why we don’t have any record of Jesus as a teen, he was busy failing his godliness by wanking fast and furious? Then did he say to his mom and adoptive dad that the “devil made him do it”? Hugs

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      1. 😆 Scottie, I would think you are not far off. And IF there were any papyrus manuscripts recording those youth-years of Jesus’ horrible behavior or being tricked/weak, they were DAMN sure hunted down and burned — like so many “heretical” testaments were by the reigns of Theodosius I thru Emperor Marcian (of the Eastern Empire) and the entire Theodosian Dynasty to 457 CE!

        Fortunately, not ALL ancient manuscripts were found and destroyed by Hellenic Rome and their egocentric rulers and families. 😉

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  6. So who/whom was/were Jesusus’s daddy? One (or all) of the three wise guy opportunists, a travelling Torah salesman, or the Great Cloud Daddy in the sky? (The ultimate cuckolder in fact—never seen, never felt … and yet still she gets pregnant.) (And without blame … I like that touch~!)

    O’ Jo’ must’ve been firing blanks and/or they were putting it off until they had a wee patch of their own. I guess nothing much changes …

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  7. It is starting to make sense if one sees what is there instead of what is claimed to be there. In the Gospel we call Mark, virtually everything that happens is related to an Old Testament verse. The author is basically writing yet another diatribe on why the Jews were being punished by Yahweh (this is just after the war with the Romans). Every reference to the OT was to scripture that involves the Jews being punished by Yahweh. And if the Jews had just accepted Paul’s teachings and gotten along with the gentiles (including the Romans) the second Temple would not have been crushed and the Jews of Jerusalem scattered in a disastrous war. Such had been written every time the Hebrews/Israelites/Jews had gotten trampled by yet another enemy stronger than they were. Then the gospel we call Matthew was written, folding in almost all of GMark, that puts the Jews into a somewhat better light, then the Gospel we call Luke was written, folding in again almost all of Mark and some of Matthew but correcting some of Matthew’s excesses, and then much later the Gospel we call John was written and while appearing quite different from the other three refers to nothing not in Mark, except expansions upon some of the characters in Mark (e.g. Lazarus was mentioned in Mark but in John he gets resurrected).

    Every one of these authors had motivations to do what they did. Every one of them felt that doing what they did was acceptable if not the outright right thing to do. None of the authors knew a human called Jesus whose life story they supposedly were relating (in part). We know this because all of the events in Mark are basically literary allusions to OT foibles of the Jews. And since all of the subsequent gospels folded in the events of the fiction that is Mark as if they were true, then they too had no other sources of valid information about that Jesus guy; they believed or accepted all of the fictional content as if it were true.

    Are we at all surprised that the “story” is garbled? Imagine if the Lord of the Rings were written this way, that a short, punchy fictional novel was written and was popular. But somebody thought there wasn’t enough back story or an account of what happened after the ring was destroyed, so incorporating most of the LOTR as originally written, they re-wrote parts of it and added bits to it to make it “better.” Then another author, thinking “I didn’t know we could do that!” decides to re-write the re-write to fix some of the problems obvious to him, adding details, removing details, changing the life stories of some of the original characters to make them fit better. And then, a fourth author comes along and says, these people have got it all wrong, the whole thing needs restructuring and while the basic story isn’t changed, whole chunks of what happened are moved around in time and place. And, his favorite characters are made to look less flawed and to come out appearing better. Which of these books would you buy?

    Wait, I’ve got an idea, let’s bind all four of them together into one volume and claim they were written independently, so the events described therein must be true. Holy shit!

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    2. Every one of these [gospel] authors had motivations to do what they did. Every one of them felt that doing what they did was acceptable if not the outright right thing to do.

      But STEVE!!! That’s what Evangy-Fundies call “God-inspired,” and “God-ordained” which floats via Holy Spirits into “God-breathed Words” onto paper! 😉 😛

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        2. Ooooooo! And I believe there are SOME ancient non-canonical (i.e. anti-Hellenic Rome) manuscripts that say Jesus popped someone’s cherry and had offspring. 😮

          When one considers ALL the exhaustive context of that historical period, it’s quite easy to see, to realize that you Piglet have it right. ‘So many plot holes the New Testament is worse than a kitchen colander!’ 😂

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  9. Likely, the ministry of Jesus only lasted a year… up to the monumental bad choice of starting a riot in the temple. Prob got himself arrested and killed for it.

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